M2s are Top of the Klopps

This match report is sponsored by Harvey Richardson, a modern day Sammy Lee.

Famed Liverpool player and mediocre pundit Alan Hansen once famously stated “you don’t win anything with kids”. Admist the backdrop of Jurgen Klopp leaving at the end of the season, Sonning Men’s 2s went into the second game of a double header weekend with an average team age of 30 against a youthful Oxford Uni side.

Saturdays game against Bicester had seen many 2s players injured due to slips not seen since Gerrard’s infamous tumble against Chelsea. Despite this, the first half started at a blistering pace. The trio of Pete Young, Patrick Wall and Colm Hanlon pressured, pressed, passed and penetrated Oxford Uni’s defence, eventually winning a short corner for the team. Up stepped skipper Patrick Wall who cannoned it from the top of the D and, like a football hitting a beach ball, scored from a ricochet off the keeper’s pads. But despite the celebrations, the goal was overturned due to the shot being deemed initially too high. Sonning’s pressure continued to be rewarded when Colm Hanlon received a pass on the break, neatly turned two players inside out and smoothly dispatched the ball to put Sonning ahead. Fernando Torres who?

The remainder of the first half saw Sonning stemming wave after wave of Oxford attacks, with both sides going close on a few occasions; but also receiving green cards for stick tackles/chops that would have made a lumberjack blush as red as John Arne Riise. Another well worked short corner resulted in the ball somehow dropping to the feet of Jonty Rider at the left post; poaching the ball past the keeper and over the goal line like a prime Michael Owen.

Reflecting on the need to conserve energy and legs in the second half, the half time team talk consisted of broad agreement to playing a more considered, possession based game. But with this being the men’s 2s, the best of ideas were not met with the greatest of executions - as Sonning immediately began the second half playing at 10000 miles per hour. Having somehow found himself in the opposition D and almost scoring in the first half, Sam Boseley unfortunately went from hero to zero; receiving a green card for quite literally butting his way through a player to stop him. Some would call it a tactical foul, others an attempt to recreate Liverpool legend Charlie Adam’s best performance. With Sonning a player down, Oxford were able to capitalise by launching a counter attack, playing a contentious, suspiciously high pass into the D and past the Sonning’s goalkeeper, and flying Scotsman, Alasdair Allan. Luckily the dynamic duo of Douglas Whittaker (like a prime Xabi Alonso, with a better beard) and Sam "JT" Terry (like a modern day James Milner, but with greater longevity) provided Sonning with the platform to get back into the game. A saucy, skilful dribble made by Harvey Richardson led to Patrick Wall with the goal at his mercy - unfortunately binning it off the post and seeing it go wide.

With all Sonning players digging deep in the final ten minutes, Soli Floodgate, teenage wonderkid and heir to the Gareth Lappin left-back throne, ensured that Oxford University were unable to draw the game level. As the final whistle blew, Sonning Men’s 2s celebrated with scenes comparable to that of the miracle of Instanbul: with jubilation, relief and mild hamstring cramping.

As Sonning Men’s 2s go into the final third of the season, the question remains on all fans lips - did Colm Hanlon reallypass a ball?

*Photo proudly taken by chief cheerleader Tommy Ross. He is available for all functions and events at a cut rate deal.

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